I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
