Someone shit on the floor
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
