I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
