I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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