I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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