so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
