I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
