Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
