apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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