You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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