pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
