please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
