i think my tv is drunk
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
