Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
