in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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