p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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