I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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