she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
