Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
