Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
