I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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