somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
