I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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