I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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