Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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