I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
