the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
