We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
