I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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