it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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