Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
