WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
