census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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