TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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