I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
