I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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