I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
