Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
