If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
