first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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