it hurts more in the daytime
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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