I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
