dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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