there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
