why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
