yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
