i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
