Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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