i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
