I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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